Why I Left Part 3- "Climbing to the top of Mount Crazy"

From 1990 until 1996 I struggled to stay active in the LDS Church. Sometimes I was successful...other times I was not. During this time we moved a few times so I no longer was in the Branch Presidency. I was, however, called to be in the Elders Quorum Presidency. I must have the "look" because I was Elders Quorum President twice and a councilor at least five other times in my 15 years of activity.

It was during the summer of 1991 that I challenged my brother to read the Book of Mormon with me. I had some tapes my father-in-law had given me of to read along with. My brother had been baptized into the LDS Church in 1989 but had wisely resigned a few months later. I was trying to pull him back in.

We started in First Nephi. The damn book is excruciatingly boring so my brother dropped out of our reading program early on. I determined to plod on through to the end...the bitter end. I was no longer a starry eyed convert full of illusions about the LDS Church so I read the book with more attention to detail. It was not the spiritual experience that I thought it would be. As much as I want to renew my faith, reading the Book of Mormon again only further damaged it. I paid attention to passages like this one in the Book of Ether:
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8 Now the daughter of Jared being exceedingly expert, and seeing the sorrows of her father, thought to devise a plan whereby she could redeem the kingdom unto her father.

9 Now the daughter of Jared was exceedingly fair. And it came to pass that she did talk with her father, and said unto him: Whereby hath my father so much sorrow? Hath he not read the record which our fathers brought across the great deep? Behold, is there not an account concerning them of old, that they by their secret plans did obtain kingdoms and great glory?

10 And now, therefore, let my father send for Akish, the son of Kimnor; and behold, I am fair, and I will dance before him, and I will please him, that he will desire me to wife; wherefore if he shall desire of thee that ye shall give unto him me to wife, then shall ye say: I will give her if ye will bring unto me the head of my father, the king.

11 And now Omer was a friend to Akish; wherefore, when Jared had sent for Akish, the daughter of Jared danced before him that she pleased him, insomuch that he desired her to wife. And it came to pass that he said unto Jared: Give her unto me to wife.

12 And Jared said unto him: I will give her unto you, if ye will bring unto me the head of my father, the king.
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Sound familiar? Look in the Bible at Mark, Chapter 6:
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22 And when the daughter of the said Herodias came in, and danced, and pleased Herod and them that sat with him, the king said unto the damsel, Ask of me whatsoever thou wilt, and I will give it thee.
23 And he sware unto her, Whatsoever thou shalt ask of me, I will give it thee, unto the half of my kingdom.
24 And she went forth, and said unto her mother, What shall I ask? And she said, The head of John the Baptist.
25 And she came in straightway with haste unto the king, and asked, saying, I will that thou give me by and by in a charger the head of John the Baptist.
26 And the king was exceeding sorry; yet for his oath's’s sake, and for their sakes which sat with him, he would not reject her.
27 And immediately the king sent an executioner, and commanded his head to be brought: and he went and beheaded him in the prison,
28 And brought his head in a charger, and gave it to the damsel: and the damsel gave it to her mother.
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Perhaps Smith kept his head in the hat too long that day!

Several years went by and in 1996 I became very active again. In the fall of 1996 I attended General Conference in Salt Lake with my wife. It was a great weekend with some very good friends and I was able to go to a bookstore and find some early LDS writing and also get the full 26 Volume Journal of Discourses. When I returned home, I began to study the Bible, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants (revelations given to Joseph Smith and used by Mormons as scripture). I had a question in January of 1997 about Abraham and polygamy as I was reading the Bible. I went to the Journal of Discourses for "further light and knowledge". What I found blew my mind.

At this same time I began an internet conversation with members of The True and Living Church of Jesus Christ of Saints of the Last Days (TLC) in Manti, Utah. These were the people who knew what Joseph Smith and Brigham Young had really taught and were trying to live it. With their help, I began to climb to the top of Mount Crazy. You see, early Mormonism was a cult in every sense of the word. I began to find out that Joseph Smith had a thing for teenage girls and other men's wives. He was "commanded by God" to marry them. The list of what I learned about polygamy was long. You can find much of it here. One thing became very clear: the Mormons had lied their butts off about polygamy to me and to the rest of the world.

After many months of research, it became painfully clear that polygamy was the Watergate scandal of Mormonism. It was a massive historical cover-up.

So, if it was really essential to salvation, should I take another wife? Well if Brigham and Joseph and all the others did............

I almost went down that road. I woke up on top of Mount Crazy and realized that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was false and that Joseph Smith was a fraud and an imposter. Mormonism was just what I had been told it was: a deceptive trap. The final straw was Gordon Hinckley's great lie. He was asked in an interview with Time Magazine about a unique LDS doctrine...one that I had heard taught and one that I had taught myself for many years: that God was once a man and that men could become gods. It is well know in to LDS members because leaders from Joseph Smith on taught it:

"God himself was once as we are now, and is an exalted Man, and sits enthroned in yonder heavens. That is the great secret... It is the first principle of the Gospel to know for a certainty the character of God and to know...that he was once a man like us.... Here, then, is eternal life - to know the only wise and true God; and you have got to learn how to be Gods yourselves,... the same as all Gods have done before you..." (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, 342-345)

"He [God] is our Father - the Father of our spirits, and was once a man in mortal flesh as we are, and is now an exalted being." (Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses 7:333)

"Mormon prophets have continuously taught the sublime truth that God the Eternal Father was once a mortal man who passed through a school of earth life similar that through which we are now passing. He became God - an exalted being - through obedience to the same eternal Gospel truths that we are given opportunity today to obey." (Milton R. Hunter ,The Gospel Through the Ages, p 104)

So what does the Prophet Gordon Hinckley say about it? When asked by Time Magazine if God was once a man he said:

"I don't know that we teach it. I don't know that we emphasize it. I haven't heard it discussed for a long time in public discourse. I don't know. I don't know all the circumstances under which that statement was made. I understand the philosophical background behind it. But I don't know a lot about it and I don't know that others know a lot about it."

Hinckley then had the balls to stand before the general membership at the November 1997 Conference and say the following:

"None of you need worry because you read something that was incompletely reported. You need not worry that I do not understand some matters of doctrine. I think I understand them thoroughly, and it is unfortunate that the reporting may not make this clear. I hope you will never look to the public press as the authority on the doctrines of the Church."

Unfortunately for Hinckley, Time released the transcript of the interview:

"Q: Just another related question that comes up is the statements in the King Follett discourse by the Prophet.
Hinckley: Yeah
Q: ... about that, God the Father was once a man as we were. This is something that Christian writers are always addressing. Is this the teaching of the church today, that God the Father was once a man like we are?
Hinckley: I don't know that we teach it. I don't know that we emphasize it. I haven't heard it discussed for a long time in public discourse. I don't know. I don't know all the circumstances under which that statement was made. I understand the philosophical background behind it. But I don't know a lot about it and I don't know that others know a lot about it."

Ironically, a few talks after Hinckley spoke at that conference the topic addressed was about having a "Unfailing Moral Compass"!

Thanks Gordon! Thanks for opening the door for me to leave your one true and living lie.

Yet like all high control groups, the LDS Church wasn't about to let me go just like that. I had to struggle with a determined branch president, with my wife who still (and still does) believe and with my own sense of duty to the Church for over 5 years until I had the courage to formally "divorce" the Mormon Church by getting my name taken off the rolls in September of 2002.

It was more than worth it to get out! Yet I continue to recover from Mormonism. I hope that I may be able to address this in my blog postings in the future.

Well there you have it folks. What a long, strange trip it has been!