Why I Left Part 1- "Finding out the truth about The Truth™ "

When I was an active member of the LDS Church I often heard the phrase "a testimony is found in the bearing thereof" and "to get a testimony you have to bear a testimony". It wasn't until I began to think critically about Mormonism that I was able to properly translate those sayings:

"If you repeat something often enough, you will soon come to believe it".

When dealing with LDS history, I had my own way of thinking: "If I ignore these problems, one day I'll understand them".

I first encountered serious doubts about the LDS Church six months after I had joined. The girl that I used to date (see above post) brought an evangelist by to see me and the two of them spent an hour trying to talk me out of my LDS beliefs. I stood firm, but was shaken when the minister informed me that Mormons believed that "Adam had sex with Mary and that's how they believe Jesus was conceived". I protested that it was not true! Not true at all!!!

Years later, I was to stumble across the Adam-God Doctrine:

Brigham Young: "Now hear it, O inhabitants of the earth, Jew and Gentile, Saint and sinner! When our father Adam came into the garden of Eden, he came into it with a celestial body, and brought Eve, one of his wives, with him. He helped to make and organize this world. He is Michael, the Archangel, the Ancient of Days! about whom holy men have written and spoken—He is our Father and our God, and the only God with whom we have to do......Jesus, our elder brother, was begotten in the flesh by the same character that was in the garden of Eden, and who is our Father in Heaven. Now, let all who may hear these doctrines, pause before they make light of them, or treat them with indifference, for they will prove their salvation or damnation." (Journal of Discourses, vol. 1, pp.50-51).

Of course I was not told any of this before I joined the LDS Church. Neither was I told that most Mormons had rejected Brigham Young's teaching on Adam and that the entire thing had been hushed up by future LDS leaders. I sure could have used the internet back then!

In all this I found something very interesting about Mormon thinking. They invite people to question their own religious beliefs and ask God if they should join "his one true church". As a missionary I taught that there had been a Great Apostasy from original Christianity and that Christianity today acted without God's true priesthood. I taught them that the Christian doctrine of the Trinity was wrong....that salvation by faith alone was wrong. I pointed out that there were so many things wrong with their religion...so many things missing.

How did I and other Mormons respond when the tables were turned? This is from a recent question in the Church publication New Era about reading "anti-Mormon" literature:

"First, it would be a waste to spend a lot of time and energy reading it. For one thing, it’s incredibly repetitive. Most of its questions and claims have been brought up—and answered—time and time again for over 100 years. But because anti-Mormon authors want to discredit the Church, they keep writing the same stuff over and over in the hope that they can reach a new audience. For another thing, you may not have the knowledge and experience to successfully investigate and counter all of the arguments they make. If you do end up reading something that criticizes the Church, discuss it with someone you trust who is knowledgeable in the gospel, like your parents, bishop, or seminary teacher. They can help you find answers and, more importantly, put things in proper perspective.

Second, you should never take the claims of anti-Mormon literature at face value. Although some critics of the Church may be doing what they sincerely believe to be right, too many of them are either misinformed about the Church or downright antagonistic toward it. This latter group is often all too willing to rely on deception and dishonesty to achieve their goals. The literature they produce often uses lies or half-truths; it distorts, sensationalizes, or misinterprets Church teachings and history; its intent is to tear down the Church and scare people away from it.

Think of how you feel when you read the Book of Mormon, pray, or bear your testimony. How do those feelings compare with the feelings that come from reading anti-Mormon literature? Which is guiding you to the truth?

Anti-Mormon literature is a tool of the devil. It isn’t printed to strengthen one’s testimony of the truth but for the opposite reason. Leave it alone. Read and study the scriptures and other authorized Church publications, and pray about them. This is the real testimony builder." (New Era July 2007)

So anything that contradicts Mormon claims is "a waste", "misinformed", downright antagonistic" a "tool of the devil" and is written to "scare people away" from Mormonism while Mormon claims about Christianity being an apostate religion are true beyond questioning.

This is one of the main reasons I stayed in the LDS Church for so long. Like Jehovah's Witnesses, Scientology, The Unification Church and other high control groups, information control is essential to the groups survival. Members must be scared away from opposite points of view. As Mormon Apostle Boyd K. Packer once said "Some things that are true are not very useful".

Still, I was bothered by the bits and pieces of stuff that I read over the years that made me doubt Mormonism. How did I handle it? What could be considered the "official" response from the LDS leadership in Salt Lake City?

First of all, I discount all LDS apologetic organizations like FAIR and FARMS because they always use the disclaimer that their writings are not "the official church position". Saying that just informs the reader that they have nothing more than personal opinions to offer.

Let's take up a bit and go right to God's mouthpiece himself, Prophet, Seer and Revelator Thomas S. Monson. Mormons say he speaks for God. So what is his council?

Listen to a prophet's voice: "Should doubt knock at your doorway, just say to those skeptical, disturbing, rebellious thoughts: “I propose to stay with my faith, with the faith of my people. I know that happiness and contentment are there, and I forbid you agnostic, doubting thoughts to destroy the house of my faith. I acknowledge that I do not understand the processes of creation, but I accept the fact of it. I grant that I cannot explain the miracles of the Bible, and I do not attempt to do so, but I accept God’s word. I wasn’t with Joseph, but I believe him. My faith did not come to me through science, and I will not permit so-called science to destroy it.”

I picture an ostrich with it's head in the sand. Like the ostrich, I was happy to ignore doubt and turn away from reason in order to keep my house of cards(faith?) intact for many years....until 1990.