Why I Left Part 2- "You can check out anytime you like...but you can never leave"

In early 1990, two critical things happened to me:

1. I came to the conclusion that the branch presidency that I was in was highly ineffective in doing anything.

2. Gordon Hinckley and his fellows in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles decided to change the endowment ceremony through "inspiration" (i.e., a survey sent out to members asking what they liked and didn't like about this temple ceremony).


For those who don't understand the inner workings of Mormonism, the church is divided into wards and branches. A branch is slightly smaller than ward. The Branch President (head minister) has two councilors (associate pastors). I was First Councilor in the Branch Presidency at the time.

The three of us met every Sunday morning at 6:30am to discuss business and the problems of individual members. After that we met with other branch leaders in Priesthood Executive Committee (P.E.C.) from 7:00am till 8:30am. The main block of three hour meetings involving the general branch membership started at 9:00am. After that we stayed over to do interviews with members for callings and other matters and count tithing. That could last till 2:00pm.

A Sunday could easily last 8 hours for people in leadership positions. This is on top of working a 40 plus hour a week job for most of the people involved (I was in college at the time and only worked part-time).

With seven kids, a full time job that went over 50 hours a week, our branch president was literally stretched to the limits of human endurance. I tried to help out as much as I could, but I began to notice that all of our efforts really did very little good. After 2 years the same people had the same problems and we tried the same worn out solutions to help them. It was a recipe for total burn-out.

One Sunday morning, I had an epiphany. Nothing we did made any difference at all! We had meetings on top of meetings and meetings to plan what we were going to do in other meetings to make the main meetings go smoother. It was not as much about people as much as it was about meetings! We were not as much ministers as we were administrators in a big bureaucracy.

I got up and walked out of P.E.C. meeting. I wish I could say that I never went back again...but Mormonism is a lot like the Hotel California. Once you get to a certain level you ain't leaving and going anywhere! Just ask elders who have tried to leave their missions in the middle.

The next thing was an event that really shook me and I mark it as the beginning of the end of my journey through Mormonism. In April of 1990, Gordon B. Hinckley and Thomas Monson were virtually running the Mormon Church because the current prophet, Ezra Taft Benson, was mentally incapacitated. His grandson, Steve Benson, later confirmed that Ezra was being propped up "like a dime store mannequin" so that members would still have faith in their "living prophet". At this time, unknown to the general membership, Hinckley and Monson along with their fellows in the Twelve decided, for reason that still are not clear, to change the Temple Endowment Ceremony.

In General Conference, about a week before the changes, Hinckley gave a talk to all the male members of the priesthood. The talk was called "Keeping the Temple Holy". Hinckley goes through the talk and discusses many aspects of being worthy to enter the temple. Then he makes the cryptic remark, "May I speak also of a matter pertinent to temples? I remind you of the absolute obligation to not discuss outside the temple that which occurs within the temple....Please, brethren, do not discuss outside of the temple that which occurs in the temple."

No mention of any change coming. Nothing at all! Perhaps they didn't want to deal with the backlash because, as I was to find out, Mormonism had once again contradicted itself. Prior to April of 1990 it was taught that,

"No jot, iota, or tittle of the temple rites is otherwise than uplifting and sanctifying. In every detail the endowment ceremony contributes to covenants of morality of life, consecration of person to high ideals, devotion to truth, patriotism to nation, and allegiance to God." (Apostle James E. Talmage, The House of the Lord, 1968, p. 84)

"He [God] set the temple ordinances to be the same forever and ever and set Adam to watch over them, to reveal them from heaven to man, or to send angels to reveal them." ( Joseph Smith, History of the Church, vol.4, p. 208)

But in the blink of an eye, so much was gone. The Protestant minister who was hired by Satan to deceive people...gone.

The death penalties for revealing the signs and tokens....gone.

The proper way to perform the sign of the First Token of the Melchizedek Priesthood...gone.

One member that I went with to the temple after the changes count 17 major differences.

It was time to ask myself what I really believed. As it turned out I believed that I needed to question less and have more faith. So I stuck my head back in the sand....but only for a few more years.