Of all the twenty years that I spent in the LDS Church, the most interesting time was the 18 months that I lived, ate, slept and breathed missionary work. I think this week I'll relate some mission stories and how that even now, 24 years later, I still think about that intense period of my life.
While other guys my age were drinking and chasing skirts in college, I was going door to door in Las Vegas, Nevada on my own dime trying to get in people's homes and teach them about Joseph Smith and the Restoration.
In reality, all we did was bother people. They may have been busy getting ready to go somewhere. They may have been cooking dinner. They may have been relaxing in front of the T.V. after a long day. We really didn't give a damn what they were doing. It was not important. What was important was what we had and that was the Gospel of Jesus Christ Restored to the Earth by a Modern Prophet™. That meant we could come on their property, and knock on their doors any time we felt like it. We were giving these poor schmucks a shot at godhood. They had better not reject us!
Today I realize how arrogant we were and how disrespectful it is to bother people at all hours of the day with religious pap. I wish that there were a way to pass a national law that would allow people to get on a list similar to the "do not call list" so that Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses and other door to door irritants would be stopped from bothering people.
To the people of Nevada:
I want to apologize for bothering you. I'm truly sorry that I came on your property uninvited and tried to get into your homes. I'm sorry for worrying you with the weird quirky religion of Mormonism.
Most of all I'm truly sorry that I was not one of those missionaries who had the good fortune of having a good looking woman answer the door completely naked.
